I have been encouraged by so many of you to tell my story, so I will. In installments, I guess. Not at all out of revenge, but because I’d like once again to warn others of the dangers of getting involved in Christian Churches that may not look like a sect , but actually, they are.

If you’d like to read a check-list that will help you discover if the church you are in is a sect, please read my earlier blog article “Am I in a sect?”

I want to stress throughout this biography that I take full responsibility for my choices and actions and that I do not wish to place the blame for my actions with anyone else. I believe, even after all this hurt, that I am, whatever my circumstances may be, a free agent and can and must decide for myself what I do each day of my life. I sincerely apologise for and deeply regret the devastating damage I have caused in the lives of those whom I most love and respect. Even though we are all trying to pick up the pieces, our lives will never be the same as a result of my irresponsible and selfish actions. I would also like to express my deepest gratitude to those who have treated me with inexplicable grace.

This is not about blame, it is about telling my story so that others can be helped to avoid the mistakes that have cost me my marriage and career. In my experience, certain churches destroy certain families. Especially when combined with certain character weaknesses in its members.

In 1992 I got involved, via my mother-in-law, with a church called King’s Church Hastings, which was a member of a Christian movement called Newfrontiers. Both the church and the movement seemed to me back then like the extremely authentic version of Christianity that I had subconsciously been looking for. These people seemed to believe uncompromisingly what is written in the Bible. I admired this stance because I had always questioned why other Christian movements accepted some elements of the Bible but not others. For me, either the Bible must be entirely correct and relevant or it is all wrong. “Why would it be only partially right if it is God’s word?” I reasoned.

Very soon after joining the church, my wife and I were asked to be its youth leaders. The youth group grew numerically at this time. Then I was encouraged by the church leaders to quit both my well-paid job at a local university and my almost-finished D Phil in order to become the paid leader of the church. This I did for 9 years, and towards the end of my time there I was encouraged to go to start a new church, similar to the one in Hastings, in Berlin, largely, I guess, because I could speak fluent German. Starting new churches in other nations had become a big issue in Newfrontiers at that time so I was given lots of encouragement and profile. As in any other social grouping, although you are technically free to choose, the perceived need to confirm often blinds you to real consequences of the choices you are making. So I was massively applauded for making the gravest mistake of my life.

Nearly all the new churches were started with teams of about 20 people or more in order to provide much-needed support and protection but in the end we were sent out on our own as a family of two parents with four young children by a man called David Stroud, today the leader of a multi-site church in London. So we landed abroad in a city of 3.5 million people where we knew not one single person. We were given some money, but that was all. David Stroud, the man who took responsibility for sending us to Berlin, never even visited us once. We were left high and dry and I had to take on two full-time jobs in order to keep the family going. I will never forget the night when my middle woke up in the night and caught me answering church e-mails at 2 am and said: “Dad, you work to relax.”

All our children, who had been doing very well in school in England, did badly in school in Berlin because they could not speak German and my wife understandably became depressed as the children became more and more unhappy.

Nonetheless, the pressure increased weekly to grow a new church quickly. Articles and trendy videos were published across Newfrontiers about other new churches that were growing really fast, with no regard for cultural context or the size of the start-up teams.

The church I had come to know back in 1991 that preached grace, family and friendship turned out to be a sect shaped by rabid competition, the male ego and fake relationships.

Tragically, this was the perfect environment for me to blow everything up. For in me there had been a time-bomb ticking away since my childhood about which I had no real knowledge. Until, of course, the bomb went off.

To be continued …

“Religion. It’s given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.” Jon Stewart.