Monthly Archives: November 2018

Berlin, Children, God, Newfrontiers

The church destroys families – Part Three

1 Comment

I am guessing that this may be the final instalment in this short blog series about the church destroying families. If you have missed the first two and would like to read them, please click either here for Part One and/or here for Part Two.

So, I broke off at the point at which, under the heavy-handed guidance of the church leaders, my wife and our two youngest children returned to England, leaving our two oldest children and me temporarily homeless on the streets of Berlin.

When we managed to move back into our old apartment, we had no furniture. The churches who had promised to support our older children for three more months stopped their support without warning. So I had to take out a loan and work the night shift in a gas station in order to provide us at least with the basics you require in a family home. I remember that the early weeks together were a real challenge, not only because my oldest son and daughter were trying to come to terms with the sudden implosion of our family but also because they had made some very unpleasant experiences during the few weeks when they were living on the street. For me, too, I missed our two younger children so badly and wanted desperately to see them.

At this point, looking back, the behaviour of the church leaders becomes more and more absurd, and I still do not fully understand why I went along with all their destructive, controlling and even illegal nonsense.

The church leaders forbad me to have any contact with our younger children. They reasoned that the church was there to protect them and my wife from the pernicious, rebellious behaviour of our two older children and me. Were they to be kept away from us, they may well remain Christians. When I pushed and pushed to see them, however, the church leaders after four months agreed to let me see them, on two conditions. First, I had to agree to meet with the leaders in order to undergo a debrief and disciplinary measures, and  secondly, I had to agree that another couple from the church would accompany my wife and younger children when I met them in England since the leaders were fearful that I would try to abduct them and get them swiftly on a plane back to Berlin.

This fear was explicitly communicated to our younger boys, and especially the youngest expressed his concern that I might kidnap him while we were playing at a farm play park together in Sussex. It was such an emotional time. Our older two children, who had flown with me to England, were so damaged that they could not deal with the situation. Meanwhile, our middle son expressed already a wish to return to Germany, to go back to his Berlin school and to rebuild our family again. In his new school near Hastings, he was constantly bullied for being a Nazi (just because he had arrived as a new boy from Germany) and the school had a policy of teaching three classes together in one large room, which meant that there were at least 45 pupils in one class.

After a very tearful good-bye, our oldest son, our daughter and I flew back to Berlin and we tried to rebuild our lives, now at least with the occasional phone call to England in order to keep up a degree of contact with my wife and the younger boys. For the next few months, it was clear that our youngest son was traumatised and unable to understand why he was being separated from his father and siblings, and our middle son, who still desperately wanted to get back to Berlin, was never given any pastoral care by any member of the church.

Then, after just a few months, my wife called me from England and announced, to my amazement, that she was leaving the church and returning to Berlin with the younger boys. I will never forget the date or the moment as I watched my tears of joy discolour the sofa. Our oldest son and daughter were also very surprised, but we prepared for the return of my wife and younger boys and festooned the apartment with banners and balloons.

My wife’s decision to return to Berlin was regarded as a further act of rebellion by the church leaders and it cost her her friends as well as her church membership. She too, like our oldest two children, had now also rebelled and that would be the end of the road as a Christian woman in that church. A church for which she had given up her life, her family and personal career. To this day, the only people who are still in contact with her are either other rebels who have left the church and joined a new congregation or those whose lives who also been shipwrecked by this church.

It is now four years since all this happened. I believe that all six of us are so grateful and relieved that we have managed to escape the imprisonment of this sect. At first, I never believed that I would lose my faith through all that happened, but in time, I did. When you are trapped in a sect, you really do believe all kinds of abject nonsense and so I am also truly glad that I do not believe in God any longer. Ditching my belief in God has been the most liberating experience of my life.

As we as a family have continued to re-build our lives, there continues to be no contact from either the church in Hastings or the church in Berlin.

Of course I know that the church in itself does not destroy families. It’s just that a blog article needs a catchy headline. What can destroy families is delusional religious beliefs, combined with the social structure of a sect, combined with individuals in a church, who, when all the given external circumstances and internal character weaknesses collide in the wrong way, create the destruction of a family. It’s rather like a chemical reaction: if all of the conditions are right, an explosion will happen.

All as I can say is that I have experienced so much more grace, forgiveness, enlightenment and genuine friendship outside of the church than within it. And as I have written several times before, if my writing this blog can help any others to steer clear of religion and/or to escape a sect, then I will have achieved my aim.

If you are happy in your church, good for you. But if you are not truly happy, maybe you should ask yourself the following questions:

  1. When was the last time you saw a blind person see again, a lame person able to walk, a dead person raised to life?
  2. Why does a loving God allow young children to die in appalling suffering in Yemen or from Ebola in Congo?
  3. Whatever happened to God’s promises about a revival of the Christian faith in which millions of people turn to Christ?
  4. Do you really believe that God sends believing Muslims, Hindus and people of all other faiths to eternal hell?
  5. Are you still struggling with the same sins that you were struggling with ten years ago?
  6. Is any part of you being repressed by your faith in God, especially your sexuality?
  7. How do you really react, deeply and honestly, to the quotation at the bottom of this page? Your reaction will tell you all that you need to know.
“The Christian faith is essentially selfish because it plays on our most basic human fear: the fear of death, the dissolution of our ego. When I accept Christianity’s conditional offer of the salvation of my soul, I am admitting that the world ultimately revolves around me. Religion owes its ongoing existence to this pitiable flattery of personal vanity.”
Berlin, Brexit, European Union, politics, refugees, society, vision

Barmy budget

Leave a comment

This week saw Philip Hammond produce his pre-Brexit budget. A dangerous and hypocritical attempt to support our Dancing Queen, Theresa May’s claim that austerity in the UK has now officially come to an end.

What Mr Hammond announced reminded me of a very poor, unemployed British family that already has enormous debts that it cannot repay and who decide nonetheless to cut themselves off from all their remaining family and friends. Their friends all pull away and don’t even invite them to go to the pub for a drink any more. At the last moment, just as the last friends and relatives are now even blocking their social media connections with this family and deliberately changing their telephone numbers, mum and dad, Theresa and Phil, succeed somehow, by telling lies, in borrowing five times what they already owe and can never repay in debts. One evening, Theresa and Phil tell their obese children at the dinner table, as they are enjoying their unhealthy fast-food dinner, that everything will be fine. Soon afterwards, however, mum and dad die in a sinking ferry in the English Chanel. Shortly after the death of their parents, the four children realise the truth and spend the rest of their lives, in vain, trying to repair the tragic mess they inherited from Theresa and Phil.

The truth is, the Conservative Party has done a predictable volte-face after many years of so-called austerity in order to try to save face as the disaster of Brexit comes ever nearer. In order to create the impression of a wonderfully successful government, Mr Hammond has borrowed enormous amounts of money that the UK can never repay. And he has already committed to spending 97% of the government’s unexpected surplus in tax revenue from recent months rather than invest it or use it to reduce the frightening national debt.

As the nation is about to cut adrift from its only allies, he has plunged the Disunited Kingdom into financial and fiscal chaos. And based on what? There can only be two driving thoughts going through his mind. Either he is hoping for a general election in 2019 that will, thanks to their enormous, fake generosity, keep the Conservative Party in power while the Labour Party remains weak under Jeremy Corbyn. Or he knows full damn well that, should the Labour Party come to power, they will be saddled with such enormous debts that they cannot even try to reboot the economy with their customary application of Keynesian economic principles. Then, since the country cannot recover from all the debt, and after things have got even worse post-Brexit, the Tories of course blame Labour for irresponsible over-spending and economic chaos, they promise yet another chimeric economic recovery from a disaster that they had created, get back into power and the whole childish, cyclical, undemocratic tomfoolery starts all over again.

Meanwhile, across the Chanel, what a contrast is taking place in the Federal Republic of Germany. This week, Angela Merkel stood up before the nation and the world and took personal responsibility for the increasing unpopularity of her decision to allow over one million desperate refugees to enter the country in 2016. As a result, she will be stepping down from the party leadership yet remain as Chancellor until the next general election in order to provide stability in a time of great, global uncertainty. With great power comes great responsibility. What an astute, responsible, honourable and well thought-through response to an increasingly challenging political situation. Imagine Theresa May standing even before the 1922 Committee two weeks ago, taking responsibility for the Brexit nightmare and offering to stand down as party leader whilst offering to lead the country through at least until Brexit is behind her.

I find it so ironic that the UK government is pulling away from the very Community from whom it could learn so much. The ignorance caused by isolationalism is lethal. No man is an island. No leader and no political system is perfect, but in a globalised world, we need one another’s multi-cultural perspectives more and more in order to maximise creative dialectic and in order to hold a mirror up to one another and see our societal strengths and weaknesses from a variety of perspectives.

So, let’s end on a positive note. What could the UK currently learn from its more successful and secure neighbours in order to rise again triumphantly from its prevailing dust and ashes? Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Abolish the monarchy and the House of Lords. Move out of the symbolically crumbling Houses of Parliament with its silly, opposing benches and move into a round building that promotes intelligent debate and genuine democracy.
  2. Introduce teaching about politics in our schools, promote the establishing of alternative political parties and introduce some degree of proportional representation.
  3. Abolish all private schools and invest more money in state-funded education and training.
  4. Take greater responsibility for the environment, including the re-nationalisation of the rail network.
  5. Devolve power from London to the regions, counties, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.
  6. Remain in the European Union, adopt the Euro as a currency, embrace freedom of movement by signing up the Schengen Agreement.
  7. Bring in new laws in order to curb social inequality. Has no one ever wondered why May, Hammond, Cameron, Blair, Thatcher are all Oxford graduates? (And I don’t say that out of jealousy because I am one myself).
  8. Reform the National Health Service as opposed to throwing away unbelievable amounts of money into an archaic system that is flawed at the core.
  9. Invest heavily into businesses that actually manufacture products that the rest of the world wants to buy. The UK needs to trade more products, not services.
  10. Finally, understand that we British are not Japanese, who achieve great results by team-work; we are not Germans, who achieve great results by systems and methods; and we are not Americans, who achieve great results – the present political climate excepted – by inspiring leadership and dedicated, creative followers, but we are a curious combination of all these attributes, which combined with a genuinely democratic political system and the right social culture, could with humility achieve results on a par with any other of the world’s leading nations.

“The tragedy for British politics — for Britain — has been that politicians of both parties have consistently failed, not just in the 1950s but on up to the present day, to appreciate the emerging reality of European integration. And in doing so they have failed Britain’s interests.” Prime Minister Tony Blair (2001).